


Every day you play

by now_a_malec_writer



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Book quotes everywhere, Bookstore Owner Alec, Costume designer Magnus, Lots of Books, M/M, No Smut, Slow Burn, You better like Neruda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 19:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/now_a_malec_writer/pseuds/now_a_malec_writer
Summary: Magnus Bane is a costume designer a little unhappy with his life. He only thinks about work, his top priority.That is about to change when he meets bookstore owner Alec Lightwood. Magnus doesn't know yet, but Alec has a superpower. That could change his life for the best if he allows that to happen.OrA story full of quote books and poetry (you better like Neruda, trust me). Also, with the special participation of a Justin Timberlake's song.





	1. Book mojo

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at the beginning of the year and post it on my Instagram account first (@not_a_malec_writer) as a gift for a friend (@malec_hun). 
> 
> My 'ride or die' friend, Kat, was supportive enough to encourage me to post this. Without her, there wouldn't be any words to share. Also, she's the one responsible for the covers on the Instagram version of the story. She is an artist.  
> My dear friend Bex (@blogs_by_b_poetry) was kind enough to edit this and make me look like someone that can actually write in English without embarrassment.  
> Thank you for your magnificent work and for your funny remarks. 
> 
> This was one of my first attempts of writing ff. I hope you all like it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this! 
> 
> Much love!

Alec had been looking at his phone screen for a while now. Who should he choose today?

He had already quoted so many of his favorites. He was thinking about a suitable choice for today. Alec owned his own little book store in New York. It wasn’t actually that little, but it was cozy, with a great atmosphere, and he liked it very much. The books were organized in a way only he understood, giving him control over the space. The store also had a coffee shop in the back, in case people wanted to hang out there, enjoying a good book and a cup of coffee. Lydia was in charge of that, mastering the art of cappuccinos and lattes.

Lydia was in the back, cleaning the coffee machine, like she did everyday. Alec was behind the register machine, in the front of the store, cell phone in hand. Everyday he posted a quote from one of his books on the Instagram account of the store, not only to promote his place, but also to send a positive message to the world.

So this morning he went for Rupi Kaur, an author he discovered recently and fell immediately in love with. Alec read everything. Well, he sort of felt he had to, considering his job, but books had been his passion since a young age. He was always the quiet one amongst his siblings, and after the accident that took his parents’ and his little brothers lives, he held on to that even more. Dealing with reality is difficult, people aren’t always accepting and supportive (except his siblings, who were his ‘ride or die’ for life). He felt that, with books, he wasn’t exactly escaping reality, he was assuring his heart and mind with hope. Hope of good and better people. Hope of true love. Of happiness. Of better times.

Which had to come his way eventually, right?

So he typed the beautiful words of Rupi down:

“look down at your body  
whisper  
there is no home like you  
\- thank you”

Yeah, positive message. The world needed that.

Alec liked a lot of things. Poetry? Sure. Neruda will always have a special place in his heart. But he also liked to follow Frodo’s journey through Middle Earth. He loved the blindness and the hopelessness he finds in Saramago. He adore the mixed feelings he got with Ishiguro. He needed Neil Gaiman in his life. He admire Simone de Beauvoir as well (everybody should read that, he used to say) and he was really enjoying Chimamanda for now, discovering the heart and soul of Nigeria through her words.

That was his world. He could navigate easily through it. He was safe. He loved it.

 

*

 

He was bent behind the register, unboxing some books he’d just got, when the door open. When he looked up, he only saw a shadow crossing the store, heading for the back. He gave it no attention, answering emails and checking the books.

A while later, that man came near him, a lot of books in hand.

Obviously, obviously (that must be repeated), when Alec look at him, he was breathless. If they were facetiming, the man could swear the image of Alec had frozen. Alec was what authors usually describe as “breathless, striked by the sight in front of him, apparently sent by the angels to feed his eyes, heart and soul”. We can just say the guy was handsome.

Really handsome.

Like gold caramel skin (“Is that a tan? Is it real? Can I touch it?”). Golden eyes. Gold everywhere. It seems like the man sparkled a bit. Oh no, he was actually sparkling, there’s glitter on his eyelids. He was wearing a... green suit? With brocades on the lapel and all. It’s 10am, who wears that that early? Or ever?

Apparently “heaven guy” did. It was perfect.

Alec was making all those mental notes, forgetting that “heaven guy” was a living human being standing in front of him. From the back, Lydia saw Alec fighting to move again, so, being always so subtle, she drop a cup to the ground, the sound waking him up immediately. He looked at her with a confused expression. “Ooops, I’m so clumsy”, she said, smiling innocently.

He looked at the man again, staring in his eyes. “Sorry about that. Did you find everything you needed?”, he asked. “Yes. Surprisingly you had a book I really needed and wasn’t finding anywhere”, he replied.

“I bet we have a lot of things here you can’t find anywhere”, Alec said. Wait. Was that a...?

Nope.

The man seemed amused by the remark. He smiled a little.

Life 0 X 1 Alec

The man handed the books to Alec. “History of fashion”, “Fashion chronology”, “Coco Chanel: a myth”... all titles were somehow fashion related. “So, you’re really into... clothes”, Alec said. Wow, that was a genius remark. Congrats. “Fashion, actually. But yeah, you can say ‘clothes’”, the man said back. “I can see that”, Alec said pointing to the man’s outfit. “Do you have a problem with my outfit?” Oh boy. “Not at all. It brings out your eyes. Looks good.”

“Oh”.

Life 0 X 2 Alec

“Thanks”, the man replied sheepishly. “I’m Magnus”.

“I’m Alec”.

They shook hands. Crap, obviously Magnus has skin as soft as that of a newborn. Alec was wondering if it was weird to want to hold that hand forever.

Yes, weird. Moving on, buddy.

They look at each other, Alec released his hand first.

“So... are you doing research or it’s just personal interest?”, Alec asked while putting the books into a bag.

“It’s research. And personal interest. All the same, I guess. I am actually a costume designer. I work for different productions, you know, movies, tv, responsible for ‘clothes’, as you put it”.

“Wow, that’s awesome. Anything special you’re working on now?”

“Actually now I’m doing this really crappy low budget tv show about boring lawyers in boring suits to help a friend out. I wanted them to wear Dior and Prada but we are more on the Walmart spectrum of things right now. We should be thankful they’re not naked already”, he said laughing. Alec laughed as well.

“It seems... fun.”

“It’s not. And I don’t know, things are not so great I guess. The last show I was in just ended. We had some fabulous outfits there, it was about Mary Stuart. I loved it. And all the cast were so great. Now I’m doing that crappy lawyer thing, and trying to book something else... My girlfriend just left me, but really, who has the time to date? I don’t need that, I’m fine. You know what, everything is fine. I love my cats. My life is complete. I can fill my heart with glitter and shine bright like a diamond, like Riri want us to do, and I’ll be fine. I’m fine. Yeah”...

Alec was looking at him in silence.

‘Girlfriend?’ he thought. ‘That’s bad, isn’t it?’

“Hum... Yeah, you seem like you’re doing great. But maybe I can help lift your glittery spirit a bit more”, Alec answered, with a crook smile.

Glittery spirit. That was a cute way to describe him. Hmmm.

“Yeah? And how are you going to do that?”

“Well, I actually have a... talent...”

“I bet you do”.

Alec rolled his eyes. Magnus thought that was a bit adorable.

Just a bit.

“I have this... power, I guess. You have to tell me about yourself and, based on that, I can pick the book you need to read at this point in your life.”

“That’s your superpower? You know, every book store online can do that. It’s at the end of the page ‘You may also like this...’”, Magnus said, mocking tone in his voice.

“It’s not like that. For example, you just told me how your life is... hum... great right now. But I think that even with you cover and glitter and all, there’s some magic missing. Something to lift your spirit and make you excited about the world. So... wait here.”

The next second, Alec was at the back of the store. He came back holding a book very carefully.

“This is one of my favorites ever. I love Neil Gaiman with all my heart. I don’t know if you read this already (Magnus shook his head to show that he hadn’t), but I think it’s so amazing. They are doing a tv show about it, but honestly, read the book first.”

And he handed “American Gods” to Magnus.

“Can I ask what’s special about this book?”

“I think... I think Gaiman’s stories are great, but they are demanding. They demand you to surrender. To give in with no questions asked. Doesn’t matter if the world he is presenting you is real or not. Doesn’t matter where the creatures and characters came from. You just have to surrender to that. To believe. I always saw that as a leap of faith. Much as life. Life is about a lot of leaps of faith. Everyday, actually. And I love that idea. Of being immersed in all of that. Of being amused and involved and amazed... Of seeing wonders. I don’t know, but I thought you need wonder in your life right now.”

Jeez, Alec was intense, Magnus thought. He like that, being intense himself.

“Ok, Mister Wonder. I’ll take it. How much do I owe you?”

“Oh, I can’t charge for my power. I can only use it to help people. So, this one will be a gift. You can tell me later if you like it or not.”

“Right”, he said, hesitantly. “So, I’ll pay for the others then”.

Magnus paid for his books, said his goodbye and left the store. Alec was there, staring at the door for a while.

“Did you survive that?”, Lydia asked, standing behind him.

He rolled his eyes.

“That was me being a good person and helping someone...”

“Someone really hot. Right.”

\- pause for another eye roll –

“And did you really still believe that ‘super power thing’?”

“Have I ever, EVER recommend you something you didn’t like or wasn’t appropriate for you at the time of your life, since I have know you?”, Alec asked, hands on his hips.

“No, damn it.”

“So I rest my case, thank you very much.”

“And how do you know it will work for that guy?”

“Oh, I know. He won’t resist the wonder, you’ll see. He’ll be back”.

That night, after getting home from work (more fitting sessions with dreadful pieces all over him), Magnus picked his books to read about victorian fashion. Glass of wine in hand, cats all around him. And then he remembered Alec. He picked Gaiman instead. He started reading.


	2. A realisation

One week had gone by. Alec was thinking about Magnus everyday, hoping he still had his “book mojo”, as he would call it.

He was ridiculous. He knew that. He didn’t care. When he was younger, he was really worried about his true self and acceptance. He knew himself from an early age (he believed everyone did, people were just afraid to face themselves and be open to the world), but he never spoke a lot about himself with his parents. He always thought he had time. He was wrong. He regretted that even now, and it filled him, his heart, his memories. He wished he could have been open a long time ago. So, after losing half of his family, he talked about himself (not only his sexuality, but everything that made him, well, him) to Iz and Jace. They listened. They laughed, they cried, they hugged him. They washed away a bit of his sorrow with all the love they could put into him. They did that for each other. They were everything he had in life and he cherished them every way he could.

“So... Is Magnus there yet? Did you already recite Shakespeare to him? Did you hold his hand and say ‘your hands are cold’ like in the end of ‘Pride and Prejudice’? Are you married yet?”

Iz can be boring as hell, though.

He told his siblings about Magnus because he became a favourite subject over the past few days. And everyday, EVERYDAY, Izzy sent him messages like that. He was regretting telling them more and more by the second.

He was about to reply when the door of the store opened in one dramatic move. Magnus walked in, purple suit this time.

Alec was happy already.

Magnus was holding Gaiman’s book. Alec was afraid immediately. Had he lost his “book mojo”? And with Magnus? Really? This couldn’t be happening.

“OH. MY. GOD. This book...”, Magnus started to talk.

“Don’t you like it?”

“No.”

“Oh, I...”

“I really love it. You were right. It was what I needed it. And that end.”

Life 0 X 1 trillion Alec

‘Sexy back’, by Justin Timberlake, was playing in his head, his ‘victory song’.

That needs an explanation, right?

Right.

It was Izzy’s fault. She started playing and singing that song everytime Alec did something she approved of, specially when it was ‘cute guy’ related. It was a way to show him he got it. When he told Iz and Jace about Magnus, they listen to that song 5 times, eating pizza and dancing around her living room, wine in hand).

Ok, back to the story.

“Oh, so you like it... I’m not really...”, Alec couldn’t finish. Magnus was overly excited.

“Everything was amazing. Shadow’s wife gave me the creeps. And Wednesday. And the end. That tree. Alec, that tree, Oh My Lord, I was crying like no tomorrow, I swear...”

“Hum, do you wanna talk about it a bit more over coffee?

Smooth, Alec, nice.

Magnus stopped rambling. He had work to do, all those awful suits to make him feel miserable for the rest of the day. And Ragnor was waiting him at the studio by now.

“Sure, I have a bit of spare time”, he answered.

Sure.

Alec took him to the back, where Lydia served them coffee (latte with lots of foam and sugar for Magnus) and muffins (only chocolate ones).

And they talked. For more than 2 hours. Lydia even had to go to the cash register of the book store to help a client, since Alec was busy and she didn’t wanted to interrupt him. They talked about the book (Magnus wanted more Gaiman, he got “The ocean at the end of the lane” this time), about life (Magnus was an only child, but had friends as close to him as real siblings), about their careers (Magnus was a workaholic and put his career first), about relationships (Magnus was bi; in Alec’s head: “I’m bringing sexy back, YEAH!”), about everything they could. Magnus noticed Alec had those deep, beautiful, open and honest eyes. He could take a swim in them. And in other parts of Alec as well. Hum. Interesting. But he had no time for that, so... yeah.

They talked until Ragnor called Magnus for the sixth time and he really had to go.

He took the book with him. He was about to give “American Gods” back.

“This isn’t a library, you know. Keep it”, Alec said, closing his hand on top of Magnus’. They looked at each other.

“Ok”, Magnus said, low voice. “Thank you”. Nobody was moving.

It was starting to get awkward. Again! Oh, those hands.

Magnus removed his hand first.

Alec gave a small smile.

Magnus left the store.

Alec waited a few seconds and typed Iz a message. He got the link for the videoclip of Justin as a response.

 

*

 

Magnus kept coming back. Book after book. He really read them and they made this tradition of coffee and chocolate muffins after the reading, to talk about Magnus’ impressions.

Magnus fell in love head over heels for Marion Zimmer (like it could be any other way). He also was infuriated sometimes. He wasn’t really into “The Buried giant”, by Ishiguro, that much, but Alec made him read that because it was worth it. At the end of which, he was told to listen to “Water”, by Ra Ra Riot, because it was “the song version of that book”. In Alec’s head, of course. So Magnus did. He was crying like a little boy in the end, to his own surprise.

So they exchanged phone numbers, because Magnus needed to talk about those books while reading them. They talked pretty much every day, sending messages or facetiming each other. Magnus showed Alec the studio, the actors, his cats when he got home. Alec showed his house too, and one day, Izzy talked to Magnus since they were facetiming and she invaded (Alec’s words) his apartment with food and wine. Obviously they hit it off. Alec was glad.

They also started to go to lunch together and, you know, hang out a lot. Not only because of books anymore. They went to museums and walked around. Sometimes Magnus had to search for a specific outfit for a character and tagged Alec with him, going into ridiculous stores just to get a chance to put the most outrageous wigs on Alec, who only stood there for Magnus’ amusement.

One day, Magnus got a gig to do the costume design for a movie. In Canada. He would spend the whole month away. Alec started to feel… sadness?

 

*

 

“What is this movie about?”

“I’m not quite sure. Some hunters, I guess? There will be a lot of leather, I can tell you already. And one of the characters get a whip. I can try to bring that back if you’re lucky”, Magnus teased.

Alec rolled his eyes. Some body parts were doing funny movements when he thought about it... Stop that! Oh God, he was thinking about that. With Magnus. He was going to die for sure.

So Magnus went away. He took a bag full of books that Alec selected, “just in case”.

“Alec, I’m not gonna read ‘Neverending story’. It’s a children’s book.”

“It’s not. I swear, it’s amazing. You’re gonna like it. Give it a chance”, Alec said, kissing Magnus lightly in the cheek. Magnus touched there immediately. “Ok”, he whispered.

He was glad to go away from Alec for a month, to be honest.

They knew each other for a few weeks now (maybe 2 months?), but it was starting to get too much. Magnus wanted to work as a costume designer not only to be involved with fashion somehow, but to also travel the world, meet people, be the free soul he knew he was.

And then that tall, handsome, smart, hot, handsome, funny, kind, handsome (did he say that already?) man entered his life. He didn’t pay that much attention at first. Sure, the guy was amazingly beautiful. But you know, Magnus was driven. Committed to his work. To the life he had planned. He couldn’t take detours. But they started to talk about books, and then they hang out. And they were talking every day. And Magnus was happy to go to sleep because he would have a good morning message by Alec when he open his eyes the next day. There were a lot of book quotes as well. And videos of Alec and Lydia. Alec and Izzy. Just Alec (those were the best). Alec was everywhere, and it made him want to touch him more. To feel his hair, to taste those lips. He couldn’t. He had decided that after Camille, a relationship he was not invested in a bit, love was not on the table for him. It wasn’t going to happen. Which was for the best, as it allowed him to focus on his work.

It was for the best.

He went away.

He was missing Alec at the airport already.

He was ridiculous.

Maybe he could have a lot of one night stands to get Alec out of his system. Yeah, sounds like a plan.

 

*

 

Alec was missing Magnus and he became a bit... grumpy? Moody? Boring?

All the above, actually.

Lydia was freaking out. Alec was complaining about every little thing, and she had had enough of it.

“Pleeeeeeease, go talk to your boyfriend and have some phone sex, you’re impossible and I will kill you right this second if you don’t shut up”, she screamed at him.

“Well, I would love to do that, but...” and Alec stopped. He ‘would love to do that?’ Say what? Since when he has... Oh, c’mon. Since when hasn’t he? Magnus. Maybe he really like Magnus. Maybe he was having dirty thoughts about the man at night. And even dirty ones when he took his shower in the morning.

Hum.

Not helping.

So, he has... feelings.

Okay. That’s... not that bad, right? He hadn't really been interested in any guy in so long... Maybe it was good. Maybe, maybe Magnus would like him back. Well, he already knows Magnus doesn’t hate him or anything like that. They were friends. Good friends. Maybe Alec needed to show Magnus he’s interested. Hum, that could be a plan.

Lydia was looking at him. Still. She was about to say something when he interrupted her:

“Yeah, yeah, I heard myself too. I need to... have lunch. Can you look after the store for me? I’ll be back”.

He left his store, not wearing a jacket. He was a bit nervous. Was he shaking? So he did the only thing that could calm him down. He called Magnus.

“Hey, Magnus”, he said when his future husband (WHAT? STOP THAT!) picked it up.

“Hey, Alexander”. (Jeez, he swore his name wasn’t as beautiful before Magnus started to say it). “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah. I’m just... Overwhelmed, I guess.”

“About?”, Magnus asked with a concerned tone he hadn’t planned to show, but was definitely there.

“Nothing. I don’t know. I’m just... processing some stuff in my head. [yeah, like their future together] And I needed to... see how are you were doing...” (Nope, he wanted to say “I needed to hear your voice”, but he held that back).

“Oh, I’m terrific. This movie will be fun. Lots of leather, as I said before. Tight tight pants everywhere, ahahaha. And travelling is a good thing, seeing other people, new surroundings, right?”

“I guess.”

Silence.

Say something. Say something.

“Hum... are you staying long? Or can you come back a bit earlier?”

Yeah, earlier like right now, maybe?

“I actually think I’m staying a bit longer than originally planned.”

“Oh.”

“Alexander, is everything ok?”

“Super. I... gotta go. Talk to you later”.

Super.

 

*

 

Magnus actually didn’t need to stay longer. He just needed some time alone, away from Alec. He was feeling weird and conflicted and he hated that. Everytime Alec sent him a message in the middle of the day, he ignored it, telling himself he was working and that should come first. Opening his heart was... distracting. He didn’t need distractions. He need to succeed, right? That was the plan. He should stick to it.

Instead of crazy one nights stands, he got... books. Damn you, literature. Damn you Alec, and your superpower. Damn you all.

At night he would read one of the books Alec had selected for him, with cute notes inside each one: “Read it only if you wanna fall in love and develop really unrealistic standards about people”, “Read if you wanna laugh until you passed out” and things like that. He choose one that said: “Warning. Heavy stuff. Read only if you wanted to feel miserable”. He was already feeling like that, so he choose that one.

“Atonement”, by Ian McEwan.

 

*

 

They kept talking, but less and less. Alec was starting to get worried. Did he choose the wrong books, did he do something to upset Mags ? He missed Magnus. His laughter, his complaints about some plot he didn’t agree with Alec on, or something that really made him cry (“The book thief” was one of his favorites, they talked about that for a long time), his comments about Alec’s fashion style, which was non-existent, their text exchanges during the day, Magnus’ photos in the most ridiculous outfits (but he sent a pic from Canada dressed up as a... warlock or something, Alec wasn’t quite sure, but he looked like a chocolate Alec would like to eat).

Izzy was starting to get worried as well, so was Jace, since Alec look heartbroken already. He kept saying to them that it was nothing. Magnus was a client (“He doesn’t pay for those books, Alec, that’s not how a store works”, Jace pointed out more than once) and a friend. A good friend. A smart, heartwarming and hot friend. He listened to Alec when he told him about his parents, about Max, about how much he missed them everyday, how life sometimes get too hard to handle, how he dropped out of law school to open his book store, how he bonded with Lydia over books (duh!), how sometimes he felt his life was too small and he was irrelevant, how literature saved his soul so many times. Magnus listened. He always listened. Sometimes putting his hand on top of Alec’s; a reassuring smile on his face, understanding eyes.

Magnus also opened up about his feelings and ambitions. Talking to Alec was always easy and... comforting in a way. Like he gets it. He gets the depths of the world. Like he was an old soul himself. He listened when Magnus said his parents weren’t very loving people and he had had to left them behind. “We should not stay in a place that has no room for love”, he said. So he left. He had his friends already, the family he chose and choose him back. Cat, Ragnor and even Raphael. And Clary shortly after, his assistant but also a good friend. He studied, got a few gigs to start somewhere. Ragnor was already working in the industry and helped him out. His talent was always something that came to him very naturally, although he studied hard enough to get better. To understand things. Clothes for him were more than that. It was not only a way of self expression. It was a way to put yourself in the world, to navigate its turbulent waters. It was about belonging as much as it was about standing out. It was a way to understand culture, society, the past, History, people.

Alec was impressed, he never thought about fashion like that. Like it mattered. But it mattered to Magnus, and now, it mattered a bit to him as well.

 

*

 

That morning Alec needed some Thoreau. He typed his favorite passage from “Walden” in his Instagram account:

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest term...”

It was one of his favorites quotes ever. “I did not wish to live what was not life”. That sentence had spoken directly to his heart for years, driving him, guiding him, like his inner voice. He thought of himself. He thought of Magnus. That sentence would fit perfectly to Mags as well. “...when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

He was thinking about those words when the door opened suddenly. Magnus was there, like Alec’s prayers were answered, like Athena herself helped him, like she did with Ulysses. There was Magnus. And he was... Crying? He was. Crying. Angry. Book in hand. Oh. It was “Atonement”. Crap.

“Why? Why, Alexander, would you gave me this to read? This is awful, and beautiful and just broke my heart and I...”

And Alec didn’t even think. He walked to Magnus and hugged him. Magnus gave in. Buried his face in Alec’s neck and hugged him back. Like it was something they did all the time.

“I’m sorry”, Alec whispered in Magnus’ ear.

(In Alec’s head, Justin wasn’t enough anymore, since he got to hold Magnus in his arms for real. “We are the champions” was on instead.)

Magnus just kept himself silent. In his head he was saying sorry back.


	3. Neruda for the win

Magnus had to fly away a few more times, but he came back to normal, filling Alec’s phone with the most ridiculous images possible. They kept touching each other eventually, minor gestures, “accidents”. Alec was a lot more invested in this, showing Magnus everytime he could how much he appreciate their “friendship”. Every time he heard of Magnus, his heart jumped. He had those heart eyes. He was sweating. He was pathetic. He loved that feeling. How Magnus never noticed was a miracle.

Magnus was feeling funny things around Alec as well. One day the man went to his house, to watch a movie, when they faced this hydraulic problem with Magnus sink. Alec went to the rescue, getting wet and being forced (Magnus swears by that) to take his shirt off. DAMN. That was starting to look a lot like those... “movies” Magnus used to watch alone in his room. And why, in everything sacred’s name, why did Alec have to look like... that? His abs were full of perfectly crafted lines. Lines Magnus would like to read. With his tongue. More than once. Please.

Magnus, you know better by now. As Riri said, “work work work”. He should focus on that. Work.

They were just having fun. Harmless fun. Not with those abs. What a shame.

Alec, on the other hand, was everyday more certain of his... love. As they said it correctly in “Into the wild”, it is really important “to call each thing by its own name”. And that’s what it was, right? Love. Pure love.

He loved Magnus. That was a fact by now.

Alec could live without Magnus, sure, he just... didn’t want to. They get along, they talked, he wasn’t sure about the physical part, but he was sure that wouldn’t be a problem (*wink*). And by now everybody had met each other. Izzy invited Magnus to come over to Alec’s place one night (they were supposed to watch a movie and eat until they wanted to throw up) and since he was with Cat, Ragnor and Raphael at the time, everybody came. Clary got there a bit after, same as Jace. The house was crowded like never before. They ate, laughed, Magnus made a thousand jokes about being so close to Alec’s bed. Alec loved it. He wish they could actually kick everybody out and put those teasing words to the test. He was sweating a bit.

So, one day, Izzy (always her) had the idea to go out to dance. She was trying to hook up with this guy, Simon, and she thought he would be terrible dancing. She would save him and, well, make out a lot with him.

She invited everybody. They were supposed to meet at this huge club downtown, a salsa club? (well, a latino club anyway).

“Ok, Iz, I think today is the day ”.

“For...?”

“I’m coming out to...”

“Alec, I think you already did that.”

“Could you just...? I was about to say that... I’ll make a move. I’ll talk to Magnus. I’ll tell him about my... feelings”.

“Oh. You’d better do that, I bet your hand is about to fall from your arm at this point.”

“IZZY!”

She was laughing, almost rolling into the ground.

She helped him pick a nice outfit, that made his hazel eyes pop, and fixed his hair. His outfit didn’t have holes anywhere, so, yay, victory.

Jace was also there, texting Clary, like he had since they met. Alec ignored that.

“Ok, you know what we need. Our dear brother is finally getting laid tonight, we need to celebrate.”

Alec was pale. He was about to protest, when he heard the song...

The three of them were making the most ridiculous moves, following Justin’s lyrics.

 

*

 

They met in front of the club. Izzy was wearing a dress so tight Alec bet she couldn’t even breathe in it. All the ladies of the group were in dresses. Magnus was... pure light, happiness, beauty and love. Yes, that was his outfit. Or at least it was how Alec saw it. Simon was there a bit late, in a Darth Vader shirt that made Clary freaked out and glued to him like no tomorrow, to Izzy and Jace’s disappointment.

Everybody went in. The club was full of people, the smell of rum and mojitos filling the room. Izzy went to the dancefloor, Simon right behind her (but he promised to keep talking to Clary about the new Star Wars movie, since it was so good and Rey was such a badass!). Ragnor went to the bar immediately along with Cat and Raphael... Raphael was on the dancefloor, spinning some girl around, hips all over the place. Magnus and his friends were in shock. They never knew this... side of him. People were starting to stop dancing so they could watch him. Magnus wished he had a rose to throw to Raphael, to make him catch with his mouth.

He was thinking about that when Alec came behind him. He whispered “¿Quieres bailar conmigo?”, offering a hand to Magnus, who looked thoroughly impressed...

Life 0 X 1 Alec for the night

... And Magnus said “Sí, por favor”.

Oh, that Latin flavour...

They went to the dancefloor. The song playing now was “Havana”, by Camila Cabello. Alec didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he was looking at Magnus’ eyes. Golden eyes. The colour he associated with happiness now. With familiar warmth, with hope. With a real chance. With love.

His body followed his heart and started moving, his hips looking for Magnus, his hands, he was all over his “friend” in a second. Magnus was really impressed. And so was Alec, to be honest. But he needed this. His chest was now glued to Magnus’. They were touching all over. He was grinning shamelessly. He bent his head and laid on Magnus’ shoulder, still dancing. Then he moved a bit. With intention. His lips were on Magnus’ neck. He left a kiss there. Magnus didn’t protest. So he kept going. Their hands were sweaty by now. Alec was licking Magnus salty skin. Magnus had his eyes closed, enjoying Alec’s... everything.

Was that really happening? They were... doing that. Thank you, Salsa Lords. Thank you, Universe.

Alec was busy absorbing Magnus any way he could. He was all tongue and teeth and hands and bits. One hand was on Magnus’ waist, the other on his neck. He step a bit apart, catching his breath. Magnus looked at him. And the next second they were kissing.

Life 0 x ETERNAL WIN Alec

Alec closed his eyes and dived into Magnus. He felt like drowning in an ocean, surrounded by this deep feeling of certainty and rightness. Magnus’ tongue was dancing against his. He felt the wetness, the texture, he heard the low moan Magnus made every time he moved in the other man’s mouth. He pulled him even closer (like that was possible). The only music he heard was Magnus’ moans. He wasn’t listening to anything else, no song, ‘cause the song that would express all his feelings right now hadn’t been created yet.

They broke apart. Alec could swear he had watery eyes. He didn’t care. He knew true happiness now. He understood. Neruda. Shakespeare. Milton. All of them. Words were not enough. He needed more.

He looked at Magnus, who was smiling and looking at him, pleased.

“Well, Alexander, that was...”

“I love you”.

“What?”

 

*

 

Maybe Magnus hadn’t listened correctly. There was loud music, noise, people cheering, Raphael spinning a girl with one hand and a boy with the other. Everything was really confusing.

“What did you...”, he tried to repeat himself to Alec.

“I love you. I love you, Magnus, I love you for a while now and I needed to tell you that I...”

“You can’t love me.”

Oh-oh. That wasn’t the reaction he was waiting for.

He was...

“Sorry, what? What do you mean with ‘can’t love you’? Are you already married or something like that?”

“Yes.”

Alec’s eyes opened like never before. What now?

“Not like that. I’m married. To my work. To my plans. I told you. I’m a free soul. I can’t... – he paused, without looking at Alec – I can’t... I’m sorry.”

He let go of Alec’s embrace. He left the dancefloor. Then the club.

Life 1 x ....

 

*

 

Alec did not heard from Magnus for the next few days. Or for the following week.  
. Maybe he got it all wrong and Magnus just didn’t feel the way he did. Maybe it was always one sided and he never realized that. Maybe all that talk, the remarks, the books, everything was... nothing.

He felt like nothing. He’d opened up. He’d jumped. He took that leap of faith. For nothing. He felt stupid and ashamed. Izzy was even more heartbroken than he was, threatening to kill Magnus by shoving books down his... well, a painful place.

Alec was feeling like crap. It just hurt. It hurt so badly. Before he was drowning willingly. Now it seemed like someone was holding his head deep beneath the water; he couldn’t get out. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t scream. He was alone. He was walking alone in this dry land, a desert of feelings, a desert of himself. Magnus didn’t want him back. That was the end of it.

He buried himself in books. Then he hated them. Were they selling lies he never wanted to see or acknowledge? Was he that stupid? He hated Neruda. Ok, that was a lie. But they needed a break.

He needed a break from everything. He asked Lydia to cover for him at the store. She gladly did.

He spent the next few days at home, listening to “Cry me a River” (yeah, same Justin, different vibe for now), “Drowning”, by Banks, and “Let you down”, by NF, on repeat, all day. He was laying on his couch. He wasn’t crying. He was just... numb. He was processing everything. He thought he would regret it, exposing himself like that. But the truth was: he had nothing to be ashamed of. He tried. He was being honest with himself.

“I did not wish to live what was not life.”

He haf lived by that for... how long? Forever.

He couldn’t change that. He wasn’t going to feel sorry for himself. Magnus didn’t want him?  
So be it. He tried. He had to. It was the only thing he could do.

 

*

 

When Magnus left the club that night, Cat and Ragnor saw it... and saw Alec alone, in the middle of the dance floor, crying, hugging Izzy, head down. He was devastated. Simon was next to them, for moral support.

Cat was afraid of that. Of Magnus being an ass. ‘Cause he was one.

So the next day they were at his house. Even Raphael, who seems happier than ever before.

“We really should go out to dance more often”, Raphael said as soon as Magnus opened the door.

Man, he was clueless sometimes.

They were all inside. Cat put her arms around Magnus in an intimate embrace. She needed to reassure him that she still loved him, even when he was an idiot.

“So... what happened?”, Ragnor asked a few moments later.

So Magnus told them. Well, he didn’t tell them how he felt like the Earth could eat his insides, ‘cause that’s the feeling he got from kissing Alec. He was dead and alive. He was everywhere and nowhere. They belonged. That kiss was everything. That tongue... well, we can say Alec have more than one superpower, that’s for sure.

He thought they were just having fun. Harmless fun. Not “full of emotions you made me feel like a new person” kind of fun. Shit. And then Alec said those words. But that was not the worst. It was his eyes. Alec was giving himself to Magnus, like that, like he would know what to do with him. With his heart. Like he was deserving of that, and he knew he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He was busy taking care of his career and planning his next move. Maybe he should leave. Forget everything and start fresh. Again.

“We should not stay in a place that has no room for love”.

And what should we do when we do find a place... full of love? For once?

 

*

 

During all that mess, Magnus was nominated for an award. Because of the Mary Stuart show. He was overly excited. He went to call Alec immediately to tell him the good news, but remembered Alec was not a choice anymore. He had thrown that away. For his career, right? So, he better enjoy it.

The award was a few days away, he invited Cat to go with him. He choose a golden tuxedo, makeup at his fullest (smokey eye, highlighter, glitter, all of it), hair matching his outfit. He was looking like the Oscar statuette himself. Cat was also gorgeous in a lavender and fluid dress. She was a vision.

The award was fun and full of people of the industry. His category was one of the first to be called... Magnus was competing with a lot of talented people, from the most different of shows. But in the end, it was his name they called out. Magnus won. He won and got the recognition he waited so long for...

He kissed Cat and went to the stage. He grab his award and look out at the audience and started saying his thanks: to the cast and crew of the show, such talented people, to the producers, to his friends, to the ones that love him. And then he stopped and looked at his table, and he felt sadness. Suddenly he wasn’t so happy anymore. His time was up and he had to leave the stage, award in hand. He won. He got what he wanted, right? So why was he feeling like this, like a loser ?

 

*

 

Cat was very clear about her opinion, which included a lot of curse words towards Mags. He was dumb. He would regret this. He is so stupid. Why was he like this?

So, in order to escape her rage, he travelled. He took this gig for two weeks, to think about wardrobes and fashion and clothes and characters and nothing else.

That didn’t go so well. He woke up with no good morning messages. He had no one to send ridiculous pictures to. And the books. He went to a lot of book stores, hating them all. Missing the one he liked the most. He spent so much time at that bookstore it was almost his second home now. Where Alec was.

Could he...? Wait. Could he...?

He went back home. He needed to talk to Cat and Ragnor.

“Cat, I can’t do this. I really can’t.”

“Why, honey? Talk to me.”

“Because... You know why. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m pursuing a career here. Trying to make something of myself. I can’t waste my time with ridiculous things like...”

“Love?”, Ragnor said.

He sighed...

Cat continued: “Honey, I know you read a lot, but really, your front door is smarter than you. Why are you doing all of this? Why did you leave your parents’ house in the first place?”

“Because they didn’t love me the way I think I deserved to be loved.”

“Right. Now listen to your own words. How do you feel around Alec?”

He thought about that. He felt... cherished. Understood. Like he had a home in somebody else. Alec never said one bad thing about him, or his likes (even about “Keeping u with the Kardashians”, that he watched religiously). He listened to Magnus and appreciate the comments he made regarding the books he was reading. He held him when he was sad talking about his parents. They celebrate together with champagne every new job Magnus got. Alec even started to read the book about Chanel, saying he was really impressed with her.

Alec was there. No judgement. No hurtful jokes. He was the embodiment of acceptance. Of understanding. Of a place full of love. Love for him. All of him.

Why did he run away from that?

“Maggie, honey. How do you feel around Alec?”

“Loved. I feel loved. Like I deserve. Like I always wanted someone to love me back.”

“Oh, love you back...”, Ragnor said. “So that means you...”

“Yes. Yes. Shit, yes.”

Cat and Ragnor were both smiling. Magnus was finally feeling like a complete idiot. Cat loved it.

 

*

 

Magnus, being Magnus, couldn’t do this the simplest way.

He had to win his man back with style.

His man. Uh, was he excited or what?

So he asked all his friends – Clary, Cat, Raphael and Ragnor – to stand in front of Alec’s store the next morning. He asked them to bring musical instruments.

Oh Lord.

Alec was in the back, cleaning some books, while Lydia was busy with a few clients. And then they heard a noise, like someone was being hit by a car over and over. Alec looked at her. She did a “I have no idea” face and both of them went to the front of the store.

And there stood Magnus. And Clary with a tambourine, Raphael with a clarinet, Cat with a guitar and Ragnor with a flute. Each one trying to play... something. It was pitiful to watch, really. Magnus was screaming at them, back facing Alec and Lydia.

“Guys, can you put some effort into this, please? Like we saw in ’10 things I hate about you’, c’mon, you can do better!”

“How are we supposed to do that without practicing at all? Ragnor doesn’t even play the flute in the first place”, Raphael said.

“Well, it is still a lovely instrument”, he said kind of offended, holding the flute close to his heart.

They were arguing. Alec opened the door of the store. Magnus turned around and saw him. After weeks. Magnus was shaking a bit. He didn’t know what to do now. He caught his breath. He was still in shock that that man, that intelligent, funny and kind human being was in love with him.

And he loved that man back.

Isn’t it the craziest thing ever?

“What are you all doing here?”, Alec asked.

“Well, Alexander, if this is how it’s going to be, fine by me. The thing is... – he said looking at his friends, Cat and Clary making encouraging faces -, the thing is... I’m an idiot. I’m stupid, and I was afraid and I was hiding behind this idea that I created for myself, to protect myself, to avoid hurting. And to prove to myself that I was worthy of... something. I thought I could only get that through work, and then I thought I could only have one of those things in my life. There was no space left. But then I met you and you open my heart a bit. With all those words you sent my way. With your ‘book mojo’ and your superpower of being amazing and being you, and being there for me and accepting me and all those wigs I put you through...”

(“I didn’t know about any wigs”, Lydia whispered in Alec’s ear. She was standing next to him, holding his hand.)

“Magnus”, Alec started...

“WAIT!” Magnus has one knee on the ground now. Alec eyes widened. What the hell?

“I need to say something before you blow me off, which you have all the right to do. But hear me first.”

He grab a piece of paper from his suit. He opened it. And he started to read, in the middle of the sidewalk. Pouring his heart out.

“Every day you play with the light of the universe.  
Subtle visitor, you arrive in the flower and the water,  
You are more than this white head that I hold tightly  
as a bunch of flowers, every day, between my hands.

You are like nobody since I love you.  
Let me spread you out among yellow garlands.  
Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?  
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed. [...]

[...] You are here. Oh, you do not run away.  
You will answer me to the last cry.  
Curl round me as though you were frightened.  
Even so, a strange shadow once ran through your eyes.

(...)  
While the sad wind goes slaughtering butterflies  
I love you, and my happiness bites the plum of your mouth.”

Alec reached out to Magnus. Made him stand up. Magnus thought that was the end. He was about to start crying right there. Alec got closer. And he whispered to Magnus:

“How you must have suffered getting accustomed to me,  
my savage, solitary soul, my name that sends them all running.  
So many times we have seen the morning star burn, kissing our eyes,  
and over our heads the grey light unwinds in turning fans.

My words rained over you, stroking you.  
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.  
Until I even believe that you own the universe.  
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells, dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.  
I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.”

Magnus was looking at Alec’s face, like he was seeing those hazel eyes for the first time. He finished. Alec finished the poem for him. “Every day you play”, by Pablo Neruda, Alec’s favorite.

“You remembered”, Alec said, touching Magnus’ chest.

“Alexander, I remember everything... you. You are part of me. I was just too dumb to realize that before. But all those writers we read were right, talking about life and love. They were right and so am I. I’m right to love you, and that’s why I’m here today. I just wish you could forg...”

There was no time to finish that. Alec kissed him with everything he had, pouring all his love onto Magnus’ lips. The taste sent them above the clouds. The touch, the feeling, all that desire, the wetness, the love, it was all there. It was just them in the world, and it was quite a perfect creation.

Magnus loved Alec back. A fact.

Magnus was a great kisser. Another fact.

“Maybe a part of me always knew you would come back”, Alec said, after they broke apart a bit.

“How come?”, Magnus asked.

Alec whispered back, eyes full of love and certainty: “You wouldn’t resist the wonder” . He was smiling.

Alec was sad when Magnus didn't want him back. But he didn't regret any of his actions. He was a hopeful man. But he was starting to lose hope a little. Until wonder hit him in the face. In the form of that ridiculous attempt at serenading (?) himthat morning. Wonder is something that happens in mysterious ways sometimes. Like Gaiman’s words, you just have to accept it and embrace it. Let it dazzle you.

Magnus just smiled back at him, understanding and surrendering.

Their friends surrounded them, happy faces all over them (no one was playing anymore for a while, thankfully). They sent Izzy a video of the group on the sidewalk and she sent them Justin’s videoclipe back (“I’ll explain that to you later”, Alec assured Magnus) and some other videos where she was screaming and jumping as well. Alec was laughing, holding Magnus’ hand now. He planned to never let that hand go again. He was also hoping they would do that cherry thing the poem mentioned really, really soon.

He was happy. And right. What was life if not a huge leap of faith everyday? A search for wonder between the ordinary? A chance to surrender that leads you to , instead of fall, fly?

For a moment he thought of Thoreau again. When he died, he'd have lived his life to the fullest, with Magnus by his side, he was sure of it.

He would know what was life.

So, the final score was…  
You know what? I don’t think we need that anymore.

[THE END]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those interested, here’s a list of the books Alec gave Magnus during our story (and that were directly mentioned):  
> Neil Gaiman - American Gods  
> Neil Gaiman - The ocean at the end of the Lane  
> Marion Zimmer - Avalon Series  
> Kazuo Ishiguro - The Buried Giant  
> IAN McEwan - Atonement  
> Markus Zusak - The Book Thief
> 
> Here’s a list of book(s) Magnus “read” to Alec:  
> Pablo Neruda - Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair (poem - “Every day you play”)
> 
> P.s. I strongly recommend you to read any of the books mentioned in this. Apparently Alec and I have the same taste for books (who knew!), so I agree with everything he gave to Magnus. Give it a try if u can. ; )
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading this!

**Author's Note:**

> p.s. I actually read all the books mentioned in this story (the real ones, at least). If you wanna know anything about them, just ask. = D


End file.
